Today is a long day as I am having flu and the air-con in the training room at SSTI is treating everyone like overseas-flown-in air pork, trying it's best to chill us out to the maximum. All I can think of at that point of time is the warmth that I lacked from hugging my lovely wifey and his sweet lips that makes me tinkle in my heart.
Well, both me and wifey did not plan to go gym as his arms are aching and I doubt he will be able to wait for me while i gym and shower. Thus, we decided to meet but no concrete plans were made till we met up.
The course ended slightly early today and everyone was out of the classroom by 5.00 pm. I managed to catch the train early and head to YCK to meet wifey. After meeting up, we had decided to have Jap food for dinner as wifey had a sudden craving for it. We took bus 72 and head for Century Square. However, we alight at Festival Market instead as wifey said he had never been there and would like to walk around to see the place. There is also Jap food there so his craving can be settled.
After the food, we procced to take a little walk at the NTUC above to get some stuff he needs before we took a cab home. Before we can get a cab, we were having a little conversation.
Basically, he recently chatted on msn with a so call old friend he made last time in IRC chatline. According to him, this friend he knew a long time ago, even before he knows Sri. The name of the guy is Robin and both of them might be meeting up sometime soon to catch up.
I had bad experience with people named Robin, okay not exactly me. Well, after I am together with wifey, POS(my ex) got to know a guy whose name is also Robin and many times, POS had tried to make me feel jealous purposely talking about how great a guy loves him and that guy is Robin also. He even show me a picture of Robin. I would describe Robin as fair, and lean guy with a really straight look. Also with neat hair-cut and wear specs, making him look like the goody-guy that studies a lot and those that will make it to the scholar kind.
Honestly, I find Robin better looking than me and at that point of time when POS show me Robin’s picture, I get the feeling that any guy, if given a choice to choose between Robin and Roger, I would be the one not chosen. That is my impression of Robin. So, why is the experience bad? I was not jealous of POS cos my heart at that point of time beats for Shaari only. I was happy for POS that he found someone he described as great and love him. However, just about 2 weeks later, POS contacted me and told me that Robin has been ignoring him after he loan Robin S$1,000.
I am not going to help POS in money issue but I advised him on possible actions to recuperate his money. I do not care or bother if he carried out the actions but I guess my part as a counseller or friend is done for that session. In the end, I do not know what is the outcome but my impression of Robin changed totally.
Well, I am not sure if they are the same Robin as both are younger and that Robin obviously had a thing for meaty guys. What annoys me is that this Robin that wifey knew previously told wifey that he should gym and eat and become stocky so that he will be hot in the market as stocky people are the catch in the gay circle nowadays.
I started to ask wifey if he is okay not to meet this Robin guy and wifey almost replied me immediately that he is going to meet Robin regardless I approve or not. I felt kind of upset although I know that my request is stupid. Wifey would never fall for Robin. The upsetting part is that he did not even think twice about it and he just choose a friend whom did not contact him for long, an irc friend who he knows will make me feel discomfort if he meet, and that seems more important than me. Keeping the friend is more important than making me feel comfortable and happy.
Was I selfish? I did not think so. I am going to be the one taking care of him, loving him, giving my heart of soul to him. What is this irc friend of his going to give him? Happy time once in a while to catch up??? And he chose that over me?? Where is the priority in this relationship heading?? I wondered.
When he tried to further explain I am really no longer in the mood to listen. I cannot understand why he cannot just put my feelings above someone who is not of any importance in his life. Losing that friend does not make his life any less fulfilled since they did not contact for years.
Wifey sensed my unhappiness and inside the cab, he said he will not meet Robin then, but his tone tells me when he said that, it is not out of loving me but sort of no choice since I made him do it. I was totally pissed and replied him that he decide and everything is up to him. I really do not know what to tell him. I may look selfish in people’s eyes but I am fighting for my love. And if that is considered selfish, I will be selfish. But I am hurt more on the fact that he seem to treasure an irc friend more than my feelings.
He tried to change the topic in the cab asking me permission if he can go swimming in NYP with his classmates. Can I say no?? Stupid right?? He asked before and I told him I prefer him to swim with singlet and not showing his chest off to people. He told me before that it cannot be done so in swimming pool, no singlet allowed and yet he asked again. Honestly, I do not care anymore. Why should I bother and care so much when he obviously want something his way.
After that he asked me if he can stay overnight for chalet in December with his class. Again, can I disallow? I have no proper reason to even though. Maybe I should learn to let go more instead of holding him so tightly.
He told me that he is not using nipple tape tonight. His chest is growing and he is kind of proud of it and felt that NT is no longer required. Fine, so be it as long as it was not shown off to others. I do not want to disallow every single thing he told me.
The night was tiring for me. I only slept like 2 hours last night. I am really tire to reason out things with him because of my own uncomfort to his doings. Inside the lift, we kissed and hug and he told me he was sorry and will not do anything that makes me unhappy. I know he refer to Robin’s case but I am already not interested to interfere. However, I appreciate him telling me that. I’ll just wait and see if he can do what he says.
Wifey's new neighbour just move in today and the kids are caught by MIL trying to steal wifey's flip-flops. This irritates wifey a lot as he will have to keep all his shoes in the house. Well, guess it will take some time before wifey and MIL can get used to this new family. Good Luck to wifey and hope he can exercise more precautions.
Before I sleep, I received an sms from him. A very sweet sms saying that I am being missed. A simple sms, a small gesture, but it means a big thing to me.
“Wifey Shaari, I do things not for selfishness but becos I Love You.”
Hubby Roger
