Today is 21st October 2008. All my previous posts are rather late as I did not managed to have the time and energy to do a proper posting of the blog. Well, from this post onwards, I will try my best to give up-to-date updates.
I am sleepless. I am not thinking but I cant sleep. I am going to fall sick very soon if this continues. There seem to be endless obstacles along the path that me and wifey agreed to walk down together. Why is it so difficult for two persons who love each other to have a life of their own with each other?
What am I upset or unhappy about? I am not sure myself. I used to be a happy-go-lucky person. Where is the happy Roger nowadays? I seem to have changed a lot. Well, maybe people do mad things and get upset over stupid things when they are in love.
1. Trevvy IRC Chat
I know wifey used to chat in Trevvy last time. That's how I met him. I never had good impression of IRC as mostly are seeking sex. When I chat IRC last time, I used to think I can make friends but I know it is not possible after a few years. People that talked nicely at first ends up asking for cam-fun, of not then phone sex, some will ask to meet to fuck, while another group tends to try you out for possible relationship, as if I am a guinea pig. Although wifey always says that he knows he is just making fun of people and he is not having sex with anyone from IRC, i am still very uncomfortable with him chatting there.
Due to past experience, I now totally hate IRC. And I will NEVER believe friendship from IRC. In IRC, either you are looking for a fuck if not for a partner. And how many partners formed from IRC last? I hoped mine will and I hoped Wifey will understand that he means a lot to me and I will not allow any possible chance that may lose him to happen. I do not want to take things for granted anymore and certainly not wanting to take Shaari for granted.
Due to past experience, I now totally hate IRC. And I will NEVER believe friendship from IRC. In IRC, either you are looking for a fuck if not for a partner. And how many partners formed from IRC last? I hoped mine will and I hoped Wifey will understand that he means a lot to me and I will not allow any possible chance that may lose him to happen. I do not want to take things for granted anymore and certainly not wanting to take Shaari for granted.
He had exchanged his MSN with some chatters online in IRC. I say chatters because when I talked to him about it, he mentioned that "those" he added are those he trusted. Can we really trust people from IRC nowadays? I do not at all and this is bothering me. No doubt wifey also told me he can change his msn email anytime but I know he won't at all. Why?? Simple, his ideaology is always that he did nothing wrong, so why must he change. Most importantly, the hassle of imforming everyone of the change?? I know he won't change this at all. And this bothers me when I know there are people in his msn list are from IRC chat.
2. SEX
Making-Love of fucking, or having sex, whatever we call it. I am lost. I am really lost. Wifey's sensitive spots i knew very well by now. I also know what to do to arouse him and make him high and most importantly satisfy his sexual needs. How about mine?
There are many things I hope to do with wifey in bed. Other than me sucking his nipples and giving him the high, I wanna him to suck my cock as deep as he can too. I really miss the feeling of being deepthroat. I know wifey can do it if the position is right, but he never like to do that position.
Also, I never will know when is the best time to fuck. Sometimes, he can endure the fuck and said it's nice when I am slightly rough and fast. Sometimes he keep saying pain halfway through and I had to end up jerking off. I am a TOP, and honestly the feeling of fucking halfway and have to stop to jerk off sucks big time. I do want to hurt wifey since he is in pain but I do not understand the logic that sometimes he is not painful at all even when we fucked twice within a few hours. Recently he keeps saying it's painful when I fuck him halfway. I am really disrupted with that as the climatic feeling just drain off in a second. He may say I have a big cock, but I know that it is average size and I am mostly going slow to suit him.
I really miss our very first fucking session when I can just plump him from behind fast and hard with him moaning for more. His ass should be getting used to my cock after fucking so many times and not getting tighter or smaller but somehow he is just in pain. I can't bear to see him in pain. I think I also do not deserve to be always cumming through jerking off. I am troubled.
3. His Room
He just told be the night before that his uncle and aunty are in financial crisis and hoped to stay in his house for a year. MIL is still thinking but should they be staying, his room will be given to them. This greatly upset him and me. All his privacy is gone. And with extra members in the family, the chance of me going over is really ZERO!!! Because of this, he was rather agitated and just blow his top on me when I offered him possible solutions. Well, guess this is something not within my abilities to help since I do not own or stay in the house.
I know it is not easy for him too and I just want to be supportive for him should his uncle and aunty came over to stay for a year. That 1 year is going to be rough for both of us and I must try my very very best to give in to him and sayang him.
The time now is 3.05am, been writing this blog since like 12.30am after i toss and turn and cant get to sleep. Been crying also when typing. I do not know why I am crying. Am I not happy? Am I not in a relationship with someone I love? I do not know the answer to why I cry. I know that i am in a relationship with someone I love dearly. I never love someone so deeply before and never had felt this feeling so intensely before. I know Shaari is the one person I love and I am happy to be in a relationship with him. But I am crying and I do not know why......
"Wifey Shaari, you are the person I loved the most in my whole life."
Hubby Roger
