27th November 2008
I woke up freaking early today. Not because I have to come office early and not because I had enough sleep. I had a freaking nightmare.
Nightmares are common but for me it is a phobia I have. It's worse than cockroaches which I dislike. At least for cockroaches I can kill them with insecticides, or crush them with heavy books, if not just scare them away. For nightmares, I have totally no control over them. The scariest part of the nightmare is the feeling that I get as it is so real as if I am really inside the event. Every emotions, fear, sadness, unhappiness... I can experience them as if it is happening in the reality world. The worst of all... I have many, many déjà vu happening to me and I know the last one is not the last I will experience of it.
My nightmare started off good. I was in an open area filled with green grass and nice flowers. My wifey was there with me and we were both smiling and dressed up smartly. I dressed in white suit and wifey in black suit and both of us has got a bow tie around our neck. I cannot remember the background music but I remembered the place was nicely decorated with pink and white lilies and some of our friends are there in the distance. Wifey and I were holding hands walking towards them.
As we get closer to our friends, I saw a stage with wifey's and my name on it. There is also a big “Wedding” word on the stage and I realized that I am happy because I am getting married with wifey. We were both smiling like we strike lottery. That was the happiest smile I have seen wifey so far and it was stunning. We were then invited to the stage to read something prepared for each of us. The paper was rolled up nicely and tied up with a pink ribbon. Both me and wifey has a copy each and there is someone telling us to open one at a time and read it aloud to the each other.
I started to untie the ribbon and unroll the paper preparing to read the contents and read out loudly. There are more than one piece of paper but I looked alright and happy. The nightmare started the moment I unrolled the papers. Printed on the papers are not just sweet wordings that I am supposed to say to wifey. Inside the papers were pictures of wifey... but he was almost naked except for a jockstrap (the one we bought at sportsmenasia) and he was sucking a penis in his mouth with another penis in his ass. The figures of the two guys are quite clear in the picture and both belong to the beefy kind. Not very muscular and define in body but definitely having more meat than me. It is not only one picture of it but several of it with wifey getting fucked by different meaty guys in the jockstrap and his facial expression of enjoyment.
I was in total shocked as I flipped through the papers and the last few papers are email corresponds between wifey and other guys to arrange for the fuck sessions. I cannot remember the email address but I know it is not the usual email address wifey used for his email and msn. It was a totally different email address. I felt really heart-broken at that point of time and I can feel the pain even though it was only a dream. I showed wifey the letter and the pictures and the only reply I got from him was “I'm sorry.”
I suddenly fell to the ground and I was crying. When I looked up again I saw people I do not know and they were smiling and looking at wifey with strange looks. Wifey looked unhappy, maybe guilty, I can't describe the looks on his face. I then realized the people I do not know are the people fucking wifey in the picture. It was such an insult at that point of time.
I started to question wifey why did he do all this and make this thing happen on our wedding. It was stupid to ask because there is no reason he gave that will make the pain any lesser. But still, all I heard from wifey is “I'm sorry.” The people who fucked wifey started to laugh loudly at me telling me what a slut wifey was in bed and how he moan and how they fucked him over and over in many different positions. One of them even took a video camera out wanting to show me the process of fucking.
Wifey started to get angry also about them doing this and shouted at them to stop. But they continue to insult me and insult wifey and I started shouting at wifey also. In the end, we ended up quarrelling and blaming each other for this. All the time the laughter of those guys echoed in my head and suddenly wifey slapped me… this is the point I woke up. I was in tears when I woke up. And I was feeling freaking upset and painful in my heart.
I know it is just a nightmare but it was too real. Even at this point when I am blogging down this experience, I can still feel the pain of a cheating spouse. The pain of the insult wifey gave me by fucking with others and the insult of others giving me, mocking at my stupidity to marry someone who is unfaithful to me, marrying a slut.
“Wifey Shaari, I love You at this point of time.”
“The love I have for you now strengthened instead of lessened.”
“Even though I was really feeling all the negative emotions now, I still love you.”
“I hoped this dreams of discovering you cheating is just a dream.”
Hubby Roger
