28th November 2008
The below blogged happens between 27th November 2008, 2200 hours (approximately) to 28th November 2008, 0500 hours (approximately too).
On 27th November 2008, around 2200 hours, after chatting on the phone with wifey, I felt horrible. The tone I used chatting with wifey was not as sweet and loving as I used to be. Partly because of the “trust”thingy we talked about, plus the nightmare I had nights ago, they managed to combo-ed me into a totally fearful and paranoid person.
I started surfing all the possible websites, namely trevvy & fridae for possible clues since wifey mentioned he surfed those websites the night before when he slept around 2.00 am in the morning. I do not know what I am seeking or looking for but I continue browsing looking at the posting in their forums. The search was tiring as I was already moody and I was practically looking at the lappy screen for about 2 hours and reading the topics gay guys post in forum.
I looked for mostly sexual request topics since the nightmare I had involved cheating which means sex. Am really disgusted with the way people looked for sex in the cyber world nowadays. Gays are now more open due to these channels and people are openly asking for sex, even 3somes and mass orgies. Worse of all, lots of such requests indicated no-usage of condoms. They are asking for sexual and fetishes gratification in the raw. Some even asked to be fed, wanting the top guys to fuck them and cum inside their ass and/or mouth. No wonder aids is on the rise and I now just have to admit, Singapore gay guys now plays a big part to be blamed for this wide spread of the deadly disease.
A fruitless search for almost two hours and I am glad I cannot find anything. It is a good sign and I felt better. It has to be good that I cannot find anything. Am really tire and thought maybe I am just thinking too much. I still cannot get to sleep even though my eyes are really heavy. Suddenly I remember the forum Blowing Wind, which wifey used to go read the posting. I do not like this forum as there are a lot of sexual stuff involved, and mostly are about chubs, and old men. Well, since I can’t sleep, I went in to the forum and read some postings.
After about one hour of reading I chanced upon a posting. This posting was started by a middle-aged guy who likes chubby and stocky guys. He was living alone in a condo at West Coast and he planned to organize a chub orgy for chubby and stocky gay guys at his condo. Below is his posing and his nick in the forum is seekcutechub
I got place at west coast and love to watch chubs as I find them cute.....
planning a chubs orgy session with 3 chubs and more.....
i am 34 170 77 chn.
Any chubs keen?
need both TOp and Btmpls
leave your keenness here
There are a lot of replies to his posting requesting to join in the orgy, both tops and bottoms. One of the posting attracted my attention. It was posted by a guest who named himself mlyboi. Below is the reply by mlyboi:
count me in
24mly 179 95
e-mail me
So, why do this reply attracts me?
Firstly, the stats given are almost like my wifey’s stats. Well, of course there are always coincidence around the world since I cannot expect wifey to be the only one person who has such a nice stats (I am not a chaser but I like whatever stats my wifey has).
Secondly, I remembered wifey telling me before that he likes stocky guys and the replies in this posting includes a few stocky top guys. That is what catch my attention.
This time I was really confused. I started to wonder if it was posted by wifey. I hoped not. I do not know how to find out since wifey was asleep and did not reply to my previous sms. I decided to do something I hated to do. To login to wifey’s email account.
I hate to do that because it invades a person’s privacy and wifey is one such person who hate people to invade his privacy, which I totally respect that. Also, since the last time I saw his trevvy account, I was already feeling freaking upset and I do not wish to have the same thing happening again to me. Still, I wanted to find out more so I started to login and search for possible mails which I hoped not to find.
After login in I started to read the topics of the email and I was hurt badly. There is a reply email on a topic chub orgy and when I saw that my heart totally sank. Damn why did I choose to login to his account. Fuck!! I enter the email and read and to my most utter disappointment, it was an email sent to the fellow posted in blowing wind forum who organizes the chub orgy. I do not remember the exact word by word details since I cannot login to wifey’s account again at this point to time without asking his permission. But I recall the email asking for wifey’s pic and the initial email sent by wifey was the exact thing posting by mlyboi is blowing wind forum. The email stated his interest in the orgy and gave the exact stats. Worse of all, there are two additional information stating that wifey is into stocky guys and telling the person he stays at tamp and need someone to send him to the place and back home.
At that point of time I was totally weak and I really felt my whole body tremble. A lot of thoughts went through my mind. I started to wonder if wifey is just been playing and playing those guys out. But then I tell myself, he promised me never to do that again since we last chatted about this when he surf irc. Now, if that is not the case, then is this the first time wifey tried to arrange sex and orgy or has he done that before? I dared not think of the answer at all and I almost faint. It is not exaggerating because I was so weak I literally fell on the floor and the noise woke my mum even. She even came inside to see if I am ok.. It was painful but that cannot even compare to the pain in my heart.
I saw another email from yahoo indicating wifey to verify an email account created. I started to fear that the account was the email address posted by mlyboi. I click on the link and it leads to where I hope it does not go. I logout of the account and started to try enter the new account wifey created. Spent almost 30 minutes before I managed to guess the password and to my horror, the password was the user name used by wifey in fridae profile.
At that point of time, I was totally heart-broken. I started to think about this one year plus and my relationship with wifey. I was angry, in fact very angry why he did such a thing. Even if he did it to play others out he could have told me. The worst of all things that can happen to me is to let me find this out on my own. I started to think back, maybe I am just not the man for him. No matter how much things I have done, how many cards I made for him, how much things I bought him and how much time and attention I gave him, I am not stocky. I am a pathetic lean and skinny man with an ugly face that no gay guys will want to even take a second look at. This is something I cannot change and this is something that he is not aroused. I am not stocky.
I sat on my bed because I was totally weak and think of what I should do. I really am lost here. I thought about checking his email regularly and see how he will reply. This is the most horrible thought. It invades his privacy totally and I hate that. I cannot do that as it totally will ruin our relationship. After some thoughts, I sms wifey to ask him to call me, telling him how I was feeling and waited for his call.
After a few minutes, wifey had not called. I cannot wait anymore so I called wifey and asked him to call me back immediately after reading the sms. After wifey called, I confronted him directly if he made any posting in any gay forum, which he denied. When I asked if he as created any new email account, he also denied. I was started to get really disappointed at that time cos all I hoped for was the truth from wifey.
I then proceed to tell him what I found out and get him to turn on his lappy and internet to see what I discovered, in hope that he would confess truthfully to me what he had done. To my dismay, he still denied everything. I was really upset and do not feel like talking to him anymore from now on. I do not even feel like having this relationship anymore. I do not understand how he can deny something like this when the concrete evidence is there and he can still pretend he knew nothing of it at all.
I went to my brother’s room and get his car key. I do not feel like staying at home and I definitely do not want to talk to wifey anymore. I do not know how to face the person I love so deeply when I cannot even get him to tell me the truth. I do not know what this relationship is built on anymore and I felt like the biggest idiot in this world.
Wifey called me again to talk and we agreed to meet at his void deck and he is supposed to bring his lappy so that I can show him the evidence and find more evidence about him being the one who did the actions. I was feeling really sad in my heart. I do not know if our relationship will go on after the meet up. I am not sure if I can take the truth. Maybe his denial did not make me happy, but his denial gave me hope that there is a chance we can still be a couple.
Once at the void deck, wifey explained to me that his lappy was not only being used by him but also his cousins and one of his cousins is a 16 years old gay. He suspected that the cousin might have used his name and email to do this prank. This is so hard for me to believe and further checking also indicates that wifey did surf the website blowing wind and he was alone. There are already so many evidence against him and till that point of time, he only tell me he does not know anything and he is not the one.
Think of it, am I supposed to believe him and trust him anymore? The evidences are so obvious.
1. someone posted in blowing wind and asked to be included in the orgy, stating his email account
2. the email account was linked to the account wifey used all the time
3. there was a sent email from the account wifey used to the guy who organized the orgy
4. there was a reply email from the guy who organized the orgy to wifey
5. the history folder in wifey’s lappy indicates he surf the posting when he was alone and using his lappy
6. there was a sent email to the orgy organizer in his sent folder when I was talking to him on the phone but when I reached his void deck, there was no such email in the sent box
All of the evidence form into a chain, pieces of the picture was formed and all I heard from wifey was still he does not know anything and he will find out who did all those stuff. At that point of time I was in tears already and I wanted to breakup with him. I am so upset that the trust I put in him seem to be betrayed by him. The effort I put in this relationship seem to have been washed down the drain and the love I gave him, all abused and made used of. I do not even feel like talking to him or seeing him anymore.
He was in tears too when I mentioned about breaking up. My heart was in pain. To say such a thing to the person I loved so much and in fact the only one I loved, it was very very painful. I would rather someone stake me in the heart and kill me on the spot. I was not even able to hold back my tears and I do not know if that is the right choice at the point of time.
Wifey asked me not to walk away from this talk. He is right. Breaking up may not be the best choice. I know that I love him too much to leave him. We sat down again at the bench and talked. Wifey hold my hand and told me again he will take all the responsibility for the time now since all the evidence I found are all against him. He also told me he will find out who did this and he will not stop because this person who did all these stuff almost caused us to breakup.
I told wifey honestly I do not believe such a person exist. I still think he is the one who did all that and he was just afraid to admit. Afraid that admitting means he broke his promise and breached the trust I have in him. I even told wifey that his honestly is the best thing for me. Even if he is the one who did all these, I will not hold it against him because I truly love him with all of my heart. I do not know if the truth will ever be known to me and to wifey is wifey is not the one who did all this.
The early morning did not end that well. I was still very upset. I did not break up with wifey and I am glad of it because I love him too much. I know for sure if I lost him, I will not live another day. It may sound stupid but it is the truth. The love I have for him is too deep and if I need to choose, I choose death over losing wifey. I sent wifey up and we hug tightly to each other before he went back home. I was still in a bit in tears. I am still not sure if I can accept that he did not know a thing about all this.
“Wifey Shaari, I may still have the thoughts that you did all of these.”
“That did not stop me from loving you any lesser, and I mean it.”
“Should you be the one who did this, all I hoped for is to hear the truth from your mouth and the reason why you did all this.”
“I want to have a future, a live and a good, loving relationship with you.”
“I want to be your hubby forever, your prince always and your only man in life.”
“I want to love you, and want to be loved by you.”
Hubby Roger
