27th November 2008
Today is the 477th day I am married to the man I love a.k.a. Shaari B Sapari. We are both still young in this relationship and anything can happen as we are both vulnerable. To make this relationship go on and strengthen it requires both our effort.
Today is a “not so good” day because a lot of unhappy things happen. Even till now I am feeling down. It’s 9.20 pm at night and I do not know what to do at all. Am just lying on my bed listening to the noise from the TV which I turned on and not watching. Am totally lost in a world of blankness even when I am blogging down this happening.
I had already talked to wifey on the phone and we even web-cam to see each other take our dinner to ensure none of us is starving. There is not much chatting and I tried to be happier but I just can’t. I do not know what to do to make our relationship better and stronger. I seem like a total loser in this aspect.
I do not even know why I am crying as I blog. What is upsetting me? Why is my heart feeling so painful? Where am I heading in this relationship? I am so clueless…
Before I officially proposed to wifey to marry me, I was very excited and I told many people about my decision. I do not have many gay friends or close friends that I can tell this happy news to because till now I am still pretty closeted. At that point of time, this piece of happy news was only told to strangers who are on my msn list.
Many of them whom I told of this news, in fact, all of them, told me the same things:
“It won’t last.”
“He will cheat on you.”
“Malays are never faithful.”
I remembered feeling fucking angry when I saw those comments and how I immediately fire back vulgarities through msn to those idiots making the comments. I then delete them off my msn and block them off at the same time. The worse of all are the comments by malays themselves, saying that they are malays and they know that’s how they are. One of them is currently attached with a boyfriend who is bottom and he cheated behind his bf back by letting another top fuck him because his bf is pure bottom. The horrible part is how proud he felt when he talked about it that he can fuck his bf raw and cum inside at the same time letting other tops cum inside him. Anyway, I did not let their words affect me at that point of time because I want to trust wifey and give both of us a chance to build a future together.
Today, at this point of time, I still believe in the future that I invested in with wifey. Although the words of those idiots echoed through my head once again, I have decided to ignore them again. Wifey may be a malay but not all malays are unfaithful to their spouse. Wifey is definitely the special one who will prove the rest of the malays wrong in this aspect.
“Love You Forever Wifey Shaari”
Hubby Roger
